Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
