i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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