woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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