so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
