i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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