She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
