please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
