It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
