I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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