Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
