just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
