my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
