yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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