Plan B is the new Plan A
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize