just come out here and I will go home with you...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
