R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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