I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
