oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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