Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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