I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
