"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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