im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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