Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
