God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
