I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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