so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
