Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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