I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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