All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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