so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We are two peas in an std pod
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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