I wish my penis had an off switch
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
