I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
