She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize