it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
