I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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