dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
