sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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