I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
