erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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