I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize