First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
