I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize