Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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