we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
