If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
