I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
