I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
