I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Boobs are out for the taking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
