That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
