my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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