We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
