Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
