ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
