It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
