One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
