Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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