It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize