And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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