real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
