Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
