Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
why do cheetos always look like penises
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
