The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
