i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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