he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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