Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
